I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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