your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
