I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
