last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
