party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
