It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
