I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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