She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do vagina's smell?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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