Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
