i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
