goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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