so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
