HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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