Whod you bang
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
