We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
