turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
