just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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