I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
