Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
