Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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