im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
