My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
