are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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