i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
