I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
