why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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