i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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