ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
