Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
