she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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