Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
