My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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