Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
