Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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