I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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