Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
