Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I did not marry a roomba.
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