My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have post one night stand depression
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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