I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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