yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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