Define "chronic" masturbator.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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