Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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