Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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