i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
