Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
