We're like a lot better than the average bears
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
