My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
