My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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