i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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