I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
