how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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