we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
