My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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