My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
