whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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