i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
