So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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