We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
