in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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