I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
