I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
