I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
