walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
