i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
