What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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