Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
