If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
