this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
